Ugly Troll World

A Sad Day in the Land of Troll

2008-03-18T22:19:00.006-04:00

Hello again Troll followers,

It's been a while since my last post, but somehow I don't think anyone minds. I wasn't going to write a post now because my feelings are pretty low. Then I thought, this blog isn't so much for my business as it is for me to put my feelings and other thoughts down. The site is called Ugly Troll World, The Thoughts and Feelings of the Chief Troll so I decided to jot down what is in my head at this moment...besides who really reads this stuff when there is so much other, more interesting crap to read.

The overall feeling in sadness. The start is it being tax time. I didn't realize just how much doing the behind the scenes stuff , the paperwork, the taxes and such......just how much it sucks. So that is the start, gathering up all the receipts and invoices and other crap and dealing with a CPA. I don't have a very high tolerance for figures and numbers so I needed one. Which is worse, paying a CPA to do your taxes or suffering the wrath of Uncle Sam if you screw them up by doing them yourself? I suppose the both suck equally.

However, that isn't really the issue...I had dinner with my family the other night....that is to say my brother, sis in law, sister, my wife, and nephew and his fiance. This saddened me the most. My nephew, Nick, is a Marine. He's been over in Iraq and was even blown up with a roadside bomb. I watched this kid grow up to be a fine young man and now he's serving his country in war. Man, I never thought I'd see a Troll go to war. But here it is, right in front of me. Of course the stress, fear, and worry is a small thing in comparison to my brother. What does a father feel when his only son is wounded in battle? So, Nick, is off to war again. This is his second tour. He is facing it a whole lot better than I can. I don't let him see it though, but I'm scared. I hold onto one thing...he's a Marine. No matter how you slice him, he comes out red/white & blue. He's also a smart, strong kid too.

Anyway, as far as the business goes, we're still plugging away. Ok...enough of this blog writing. I'm going to go eat some roadkill.

~Chief Troll

Nothing Much to Say

2008-02-14T11:01:00.002-05:00

Hello again my friends, it's been a while since I wrote down anything. It's just been that kind of year. It starts with Mrs. Chief Troll going into the hospital for a week because of pneumonia now she has a nasty case of stomach virus or something. So that's what this ugly troll has been doing.

My day to day job is going fine, it's over-whelming but it beats my last job. The card business is still giving me headaches, but if Pres. Bush comes through with that stimulus package, I'll have some money to throw at advertising. If you read my last entry, you'll know it won't be going to that radio station!

Ok, so that's about it. Nothing much....I still exist, the cards are still out there, I 'm kicking around doing a book....a gallery of cartoons. What do you think of that?
Later
~Chief Troll

Which Came First...the Chicken or the Egg?

2008-01-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

Well folks here we are in the beginning of a new year and new challenges to face. The last month in 2007 was an eye opener and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about the incident that happened or not. This past week I spent time in the hospital because my wife had a near fatal case of double pneumonia. That makes two years in a row that started out really, really sucky. It basically made me say screw ethics and being nice ….especially when the situation calls for a troll to be a troll!

So, with that said, of course you can see that the little health issue with my wife has inspired me to write about the schmucks at WQLV Love 98.9 fm (Millersburg, Pa.). If anyone follows this blog or my press releases, they will know that I did a radio ad and card giveaway through this station. Needless to say it didn’t produce any sales, so, being low on funds and not getting any results from said venture, I withdrew from any further pursuit. That was told to the “used car” salesman they have and he was aware of my financial situation.

This man of sales, took the high road just to be the asshole I thought may be lurking in that weaselly little frame and his 1960’s throwback appearance. So, this sales dwarf takes the art of sales to a whole new level and decides to set up a scenario of “which came first the chicken or the egg?” I say this because as a last ditch effort for me to make a stupid financial mistake and take a loan out to hook up with them on an annual contract. (Oh sure, take a loan out to commit to a year long contract for them to put ineffective ads out.) Ok, ok….I’ll continue….Anyway he tells me that a college buddy just inherited 16 Hallmark stores and that he’ll give him a call. Guess what?! He didn’t. Shocking, isn’t it!??

So, after not hearing from him for a good while, I email him asking about this call to his friend. He says he isn’t going to do it unless I get “under contract” as he can’t do anything unless it’s good for the station. So, this is the chicken or the egg first situation. I explained to him, I cannot get under contract due to the lack of money; however, if his friend would pick me up and buy cards I would have the money to get under contract. He retorts with a chorus of can’t because of the interest of the station. He must be dense not to see the situation. I suppose he thinks if I got the business I wouldn’t come through….but being the honest person that I am, I know I would. “Greasy” on the other hand, would seemingly get me committed to a contract, take the money and go, awe shucks, my buddy doesn’t want to or can’t buy any of your cards.

So my thought is this guy just yanked the chain of a potentially good customer, cause if I’m one thing (besides a troll) I’m loyal. You do good by me, I will stay by your side like a panting dog. If you screw me, well, any way I can shove it up your backside, I will. Trolls hold a grudge. So, my good people…..Do you know which came first, the call or the contract?

~Chief Troll

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UGLY TROLL!!!!!!!!

2007-12-31T20:48:00.001-05:00

It's true, the Ugly Troll is going to turn one year old tomorrow. Wow, what a screwed up year it's been too! But like anything else in life, what doesn't kill you or makes you close your doors, only makes you worry when that will actually happen!

It's been a week since I asked the public if they would send one dollar to the Ugly Troll and guess what!? No money!!! From what I could tell, if that would have actually worked then I would have at least $1,500. maybe even more. I'm not exactly sure where the 1500 hits came from, but it would've been nice. I did it as a joke, but was secretely hoping someone...or many someones would do it. I've read where people have done that and got much more and they wanted it for stupid stuff. Anyway....if you want to send money to the Troll as a birthday gift, he'd love to get it. He would also like it if you just bought a card or two.

So it's the end of 2007....I certainly hope 2008 is better. I have to say that there has been some positives that came in 2007 like meeting different people, making people laugh, and other cheesy stuff like that. Not only are we changing from one year to the next, I look at my business and can say it survived a very trying year and maybe this year coming, will be better.

So, pop the champaign, blow the whistles and rattle the noise makers!!!! It's a celebration of sorts....Let's look at the new year with a positive outlook (hopefully), let's send greeting cards to our friends and family to poke fun at them just because, let's get crazy!!!

Thought of the day: when in the desert, don't piss on a snake, it makes them mad.

~Chief Troll

Show Me The Money!!!

2007-12-23T21:01:00.000-05:00

Hello again to those who follow the Troll and his escapades. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Joyful New Year. As usual I searched the corners of my lair to inspire me on what to write about but instead the topic came to me after taking a nap.

That's right as I was taking a snooze after eating some rather fine roadkill I must have had a dream. It's not so much that I can remember the dream or even if I had one, but the idea was lodged deep in the gray matter of my skull when I awoke. In an attempt to remain awake, I proceeded to the computer to do some Trolling.....but before I could write the blog, the lights went out and the Chief Troll found himself snoozing once again. When I woke from that little sleep, I chose not to write the blog.

However, over time I had given it some thought and decided why not?! I'm a troll damn it! And I should start acting like one! So, after all this lead in crap telling you how I came up with the idea...here it is.....

Send me a dollar. That's right I'm asking you to send one dollar to

Ugly Troll Greeting Designs, Inc

P.O.Box 59

Carlisle, PA 17013

Why? you may ask? Well, I'm a start up business that isn't starting very well and if you read my first blog you'll get a clearer picture. The Ugly Troll is hanging on by a thread and needs money. Now one dollar from anyone who reads this should be able to finance some decent advertising. Besides, it'll only be one dollar and it's Christmas! A season of giving. Wouldn't you want to be able to say one day that it was your dollar that made the Ugly Troll what he is today?

Think of this you business types...it's one dollar which may come back to you anyway in for the advertising or marketing that you deliver. So, asking for a dollar and giving nothing in return is pretty trollish don't you think? Yeah, I thought you would.

Ok people of the world.... Here's your chance to help out a Troll. So dig deep...well just scrape off the dust from your left over coinage.

~Chief Troll

Funny Makes Money

2007-12-13T22:10:00.000-05:00

Here I am again, the Chief Troll of Ugly Troll Greeting Designs, Inc. coming to you live from my keyboard in my lair. So what am I going to talk about today? I have'nt a clue! Nothing is in my mind at the moment, so I'll keep typing until something worthwhile comes out......Nahhh, I have something in my mind....as usual. It's probably warped, but it's in there.

Funny makes money...but it's odd how many people are afraid to try humor in there businesses. My business is founded on humor and I've seen a few others that are humor based as well. Did you know that each year there are approxamately 6,000 (a few years ago) cartoonists attempt to get syndicated in the paper? That's a lot of people wanting to express their humor! Do you know how many positions those 6,000 people are trying for?? Go ahead, guess. If you guessed one or two you'd be right. Syndication in the newspaper is fierce competition. So what's the bottom line here? It's the humor! That's right, a lot of us draw cartoons and want them to make us a living.

How many of you advertisers use humor? I don't know the answer to that, but you see it in mostly all the commercials on television. The Super Bowl will be here shortly, and I am one of those people who stay to watch the commercials. Why, because some of them are funny. Humor sells people, just like sex, but cleaner and more acceptable. Nobody likes to be a stick in the mud, and people don't like businesses that are.

Take Google for example....their name always has something drawn on it. Now their is a group who knows how to be a serious company but can use humor too! So here's the thing to think of...if you are a company who likes to say you think outside the box.....try using humor while you're outside of that box.

Here is another thought...just because a company does greeting cards doesn't mean that's all they'll do. Hmmmm, interesting thought huh?! Ok...time to crawl back under the rock of which I came. You can reach this troll at Chief_troll@uglytrolldesigns.com but take a peek at my site at http://www.uglytrolldesigns.com/.

~Chief Troll

Inside the Box - Confirmed

2007-12-09T17:17:00.000-05:00

Today I was looking over my old blogs and wondering (as usual) what to write about. I'm not really an expert at anything but I want my voice to be heard. Then I re-read my last blog about thinking inside the box instead of outside the box. Then as most things do with me, the topic hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was just at the Carlisle Chamber of Commerce's Christmas mixer and had one hell of a time! Was it the atmosphere of the Carlisle Hotel, the fantastic food they served, or the fact that I was just overly sleep deprived and was a bit whack in the head? Who knows....but the food was fantastic and the staff of the Chamber and the hotel were extremely friendly and made it a wonderful night.....but that's not the story here.

The story is that I met a very nice woman from Homewood Suites/Hilton and Hampton Inns. Somehow we got to talking about how people are today and how the "youngins" have little respect for how the do their job. The contrast of how a child who is polite and respectful of their elders came up as well. But as the conversation progressed, I brought up how business should stop trying to think outside the box and go back to the basic principles of customer service, and providing a quality product/service for the price they ask. I can't even tell you how good I felt when she totally agreed. Nothing beats having your philosophies reinforced by a business person you just met!

So, my fellow business people.....lets get back to basics....being courteous to people, not just to those who can buy your service or product, but everyone. Let's try taking that extra step and help out our fellow man/woman...you never know who's looking and you never know when or how that person will return the favor.

Ok, so there is today's fertilizer. I may be an ugly troll, but I still have feelings.....

~Chief Troll

Thinking Inside the Box

2007-11-26T23:20:00.000-05:00

I spent a lot of time wondering what to write about next. I want to utilize this blog thing even know I don’t really understand why people are so attracted to it. But I also didn’t want to go on another venting rampage. Oh, the Ugly Troll is bitter, and has many things to vent about; many things that electrify my opinions. But what?

I think about things said to me or even in passing. I see things from the companies trying to network with other companies. That’s when it hits me! What are these other companies trying to do? They….we…I…am trying to get business, your business, while in turn, give what we can to those who buy. If they don’t buy, maybe they know someone who will. So I thought on that concept a while, which lead me to the standard, but overly used, catch phrase….”thinking outside the box.”

There is where I decided to start writing something. Could the problem with business; hell, society as a whole, be that we are trying way too hard to think outside this mythical box? Many times I’ve heard or read how life is so much harder and faster now. So why are we trying to make it worse by trying to be outside the box? What’s wrong with the “box” as it is?

Think of this “box” as a child’s room. Is there anything wrong with the room? Yes! It’s messy. Do you build a new room, a new house, because the room you have needs a little cleaning? Same goes for business, social lives, relationships, and anything else….why get rid of the “box” when all you need to do is clean up and make some room. Yeah there might be some hard choices as to what to throw away and what to keep. But it isn’t a new “box” we need; it’s the effort to clean up what we have.

I feel that thinking outside the box is a cop-out from just doing what comes naturally. What is it that coaches teach the athlete??? Do they say we got to get back to the outside of the box!? NO….they teach fundamentals and they say when things aren’t going the right way then go back to the basics. Do them right before you do anything else…..before you go outside the box take care of what’s inside the box first!

So, I end this thought with a shameless plug for Ugly Troll Greeting Designs, Inc. which is your simple, basic, humorous greeting card company. Instead of emailing a friend, send them a card. Tell them they are a loser as you would in that email. We have those types of cards too! Go back into the box, and say it with a troll!

~Chief Troll

Ugly Troll Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T10:21:00.001-05:00

The year is almost over. Thanksgiving is here and as with everyone else, the Chief Troll is going to sit down, eat till is gut almost explodes, then retire to watch the game. If history repeats itself, then I should be in La-la land by the first game's half time.

But Thanksgiving is not just about eating, football, and sleeping. No, it really is about giving thanks for those in our lives we love, we like, we respect, and maybe those things not so good. I speak from personal experience. This year, 2007, has been a pretty rough year for this Ugly Troll. "It has been the best of times and the worst of times.."

It started out as plain and typically messed up as any other year in my life, but that all changed....When we signed the legal papers putting the Ugly Troll Greeting Designs concept into the world of reality. But before it even went two months, I had to put my dog to rest at a young age 13. Well, that wasn't good, cause the stress of that was the final straw and I had a heart attack. So before the first quarter of 2007 was done, I had a new business, a dead dog, and a heart attack.

What could possibly make it any better!!! (being sarcastic) The spring months were filled with grief and followups with the doctor. Then I went on a tear of marketing...a letter campaign and follow up calls. It was somewhat successful, but nearly what was expected (for the money). So where is the "best of times?"

I suppose one could say it's not all that "best" but for this old troll, yeah, it is. I finally got the promotion that has eluded me for years....several cartoons/cards have been generated because of this. I'm still kicking....the pain of losing my little Misty, has subsided and I got another dog. I'm still married (20 years), and the Ugly Troll, well.......it still is a business. It's more of a worst of times since it's a challenge getting people to buy what seems normal to me, but maybe not others. But it's still here...no money....but still alive.

So what can I be thankful for?! This has been quite a ride. I've met some really wonderful people, I've been shown that some people in business aren't just out for a buck they want others to get that buck too! I've seen interest; interest that made me feel worth something.

Yeah, it's been a rough year both personally and professionally; but, it's been a real joy to talk with the people I've talked to and the things I've learned. The folks here at FastPitch! have been remarkable with helping this troll figure out certain problems. Of course I have to mention Nicole and Matt again. They are tops!

I could go on, but it's safe to say that there isn't enough space her to write, nor would you even read it, to mention all the people who I'd like to say thanks to.

Ok, enough mushy, gushy, warm and fuzzy crap. Time to get back under the bridge!!

The Ugly Troll wishes all who read this, a fantastic, and happy Thanksgiving!!

~Chief Troll

IS THERE ANY HUMANITY LEFT IN BUSINESS?

2007-11-19T12:14:00.000-05:00

I remember when I decided to try my hand at this business thing and why I did it. I was tired of working for people who don't seem to care about the people who work for them. The worker is always being treated like a nave; a subserviant turd who isn't supposed to have a life but their job.

I've seen all types, the fake kindness, the idiots, the yes-men, and those who must have done something to, for, or with, the powers that be. So, that's why the Ugly Troll came into being. So, I can make my own choices, and if by the grace of God, I get big enough to have employees...to treat them with the respect and understanding which is every individual's right to have...by people whether they are a coworker or a boss.

So I take this thought and move to the question (and title of this episode) is there any humanity left in business? When I started this company, I heard from all types of "business partners" how they want to grow with me and foster a relationship with the Troll. Then as time wore on, it seemed that this desire waned and then the typical (what I expected all along) actions came out. The excellent customer service wasn't so excellent, the due dates and delivery dates seemed to always get pushed back, and the excuses became less believable and the frustration of business set it. Not to mention the way it makes me look at people who run the business.

Well, there are two people who stepped up and without even knowing it actually made me think that maybe there is still humanity left in the business world.

The first person was Matt Best, (he looked a lot like Ken Jennings from Jeopardy). Matt is the owner of Best Solutions (http://www.somedayisland.com/home.html). He met me at a Chamber of Commerce mixer and offered his help with networking. Now he is a "coach" but he did it for free......even after being asked about cost. He just wanted to. (he is why the Troll speaks in this forum today).

The second person is Nicole Friedman. Nicole and I met at a Chamber mixer that was held at where she works CPARC (Cumberland Perry Association for Retarded Citizens)http://www.cparc.org . Now, just by working at CPARC shows that she is a special type of person, but what she did for me was cooler than cool.
Nicole emailed Trogh's brewing company and aked them to use my cartoons for beer lables. Needless to say, they shot her down like a lead balloon, but it wasn't the result it was the fact she put herself out to help another person grow their business.

These people could have charged me for what they did or just never even bothered at all, but they chose to help the Ugly Troll......for nothing.

So, my friends and associates, as the famous words of Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston, esquire tell us......"be excellent to each other...and....PARTY ON DUDES!" But try to do the first one the best.

So thanks Matt and Nicole for being truly wonderful people.

~Chief Troll

The Frustration of the Troll

2007-11-10T22:32:00.000-05:00

Hello to you the curious of what goes on in the mind of a troll. As you can tell, or maybe you can't, but this is my first ever blog. I still not sure why they are so exciting to people, but why not do one?!

OK, why is this troll frustrated? Cause although I've busted my ass trying to sell my cards, people are just not getting it. Anyone and everyone who sees an Ugly Troll card laughs and laughs. But these laughs are not translating to sales.

The frustration starts as we close up on our first year of existence. We've taken our money and put that and our trust into some people who used the the wonderful phrase, we want to partner up with you. We want you to grow so then we can grow. HA! Start with the web site...the first people hit the mark right out of the gate, design-wise, but continual execution was a complete failure. Soooo, now we have to put more money into another web place to not only fix the problems of the old company but make a working shopping cart.

Ok that seems to be done, but it has created enough work for me to go back in and clean up the water marks that were put on for copyright sake. Ok so there is extra work...got it. The second slap came with paying our "marketing" guy a bunch of money to do what I had already planned. There was nothing new to show for the money. We did all the leg work and other stuff. I'm now discovering some cool networking and marketing things.....none from the company I paid money to, to get this type of information.

So, since our inception in January, nothing has been going in our way. So there it is my new friends, my first post of my firt blog. I hope you enjoyed this visit into the mind of the Chief Troll. Thank you for stopping by.

~Chief Troll